Yesterday Mr. Kawaii and I had a "date day" out on the town and walked for several hours around a show at a local convention hall and at an outdoor mall while we looked for new and inventive ways to spend our hard earned cash. Although I no longer use a pedometer, I am confident that we walked several miles over the course of the day and it was so good to be outside moving around. This past week has been a bit hectic, and unfortunately the workout side of things has suffered, but we made up for at least a little of it yesterday.
As we were out, I bumped into an old friend/romantic interest from back before Mr. Kawaii and I were an item, and after the happy "hello" hugs and chit-chat he leaned back and said, "You look so... different from when I last saw you." Although I'm not sure how the comment was intended (I mean, I've cut about 2 feet of length off my hair, have traded in my tight fitting office attire for jeans and a company jacket and am visibly a much happier person than I was 5 years ago), I couldn't help but think that he was referring to my weight which is, truth be told, significantly different than it was back then. Initially I was embarrassed for having become so large, but as I thought about it more I was propelled into a long and thought provoking look at who I was and where I am today.
After the initial horror of possibly being mistaken for someone who has "let herself go" I've decided that while yes, I do look different than I did back then - it is because my life is different. While it's true that I weigh nearly 50lbs more than I did when the old-flame and I said our last goodbyes, the weight gain didn't come from sitting on ass for several years eating bon-bons. No, I had a demanding and profitable stint in the food service industry where working 60+ hours a week made exercise an afterthought (the unlimited taste-testing, 3 square meals a day on the house and hundreds of gallons of sugary drinks also helped in producing this weight-gain), moved, got married, traveled, gave up the corporate grind to begin working for myself, supported other local small businesses, took care of my mother full time and have somehow found the time to finish writing a novel. And further, while others might see me now and compare the roundness of my derrière to the firm bubble of a butt I had several years ago... what would they have thought if they saw me 18, 12 or even 6 months ago? Truth be told, although I still haven't lost more than 5 pounds since this weight loss revolution took hold, I've dropped from an 18 to a 14.
And so, this morning after pondering this some more (I am a woman after all, so I couldn't just let it go) I find myself shrugging my shoulders and muttering, "who cares what he thinks?" about the whole ordeal. Although it's true that I'd love to be that svelte size 8 that I was yesteryear, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Maybe one day I'll bump into him again so instead of reacting with embarrassment to the statement, "you look so different" I'll be able to muster the courage to ask him why he looks so very much the same.